Excuse my silence over the last six months. I’ve been 20,000 leagues under the sea and I’m just now starting to see the light of the surface. I’m swimming towards it as fast as I can, but sometimes I get tired and pause. Many times over the last six months I put my fingers to the keyboard and the words flowed off of my fingertips. Before I could finish, the monsters at the bottom of the sea snatched the creativity from my mind. I’m left with half finished blogs that will give me a good start when the creative juices start flowing again.
Maybe one day I will write what it was about and how it felt. For now, there’s a hurricane in my head and I have to wait for it to pass so I can assess and process the damage. Some people have commented they like my blog because I write about real things. Not just the world being great. Don’t get me wrong, there isn’t anything wrong with blogs like that as we all need a pick me up now and again. However, I’m practising being impeccable to my word and so I will talk about a balance of enlightening and challenging life events. That’s real. We’re human. We all struggle. What’s wrong with sharing our troubles with other humans, friends or strangers, to see if our words and experiences can lift up someone else? There is no shame in that.
Being 20,000 leagues under the sea has not been easy or pretty. However, I discovered new deep sea monsters, many of which were scary, some supportive who helped bring me closer to the surface and some who made me laugh with their never before seen fishy features. I learned a lot on how to deal with the scary creatures and appreciate the kind and humorous ones. I am seeing this period as a time of self re-creation, for I am on a completely different path to what I had “planned,” and you know what? That’s ok. I am being patient and I am observing the world around me and waiting to catch the opportunity when it arises.
As I come closer to the light, I see that I will need to pause a bit. Just like deep divers who need to stay at a certain depth to avoid getting the deep sea bends. I just discovered that I’ve been accepted on a 36 day intensive Tibetan Budddhist retreat in the mountains in Nepal. No internet, no non-Dharma books, no talking until after lunch, no one close to me to reach out to when I think I’m going to fall. I will learn to be independent and swim back to the surface myself. More importantly, it will be the start of my journey to make sure I do not sink so deep into the sea ever again. If we have the right tools, there is no need to sink so far, if at all.
I write this as I’m sailing away from Greece towards Cyprus. I’m on a delivery job that has just been extended and suits me fine. I am not very happy in Palma de Mallorca, I have no idea how to start my dream of teaching yoga due to resource challenges, my partner is away for work for the summer and who knows what will happen over that time and I have this huge negative storm over me that just won’t go away. As with the weather at sea, it will blow over at some point. I will just put my foul weather gear on, sit under an umbrella and patiently wait for the rainbow to appear. I can see a break in the clouds…