Settling back home

My blog entries aren’t in real time because I didn’t publish anything in Cuba, but I kept writing. I’ve been back for two weeks now and they have been action packed!

I returned to trusty old Trade Wins (still don’t like the name!) and despite Captain Cool telling me he hadn’t lived there in the last two and a half months, I was still shocked to see the state it was in. It was like a ghost town! There was no life, the salt of the sea had helped itself to our home as it does when there is no one to keep up maintenance. CC had packed away all the books and homely items that we had out. He had even taken all of the spices with him to the new boat. I was anxious to make it feel occupied again, so I took out a few of my things, including the picture my cousin’s daughter drew for me, and put them in their usual place. 

CC and I had a very happy, enthusiastic and romantic reunion. I was so happy to be back home that I said no to any suggestions of going out to the city. It had been three months since I felt relaxed and like I had a home. I wasn’t going to leave so soon!

I won’t go into detail because our relationship isn’t the subject of this blog, but we talked for days about lots of things. Lots of things changed internally for both of us and we both commented on the new and clean energy that the other brought. I was relieved. All doubts I had in Panama about how things would go, were swept away to the sea (pun intended!). 

One thing we talked about was the new boat that we were going to be working on. CC told me before I came that things weren’t going as planned. Then the owner made a decision for us and said the boat had been sold so CC should get all of his stuff. We were relieved. For one second I was disappointed that the yoga/sail charters were going to be put off again, but I know now to trust the universe. I’ve called out my intentions and so far they have always been listened to, even if it’s years later. I know they will be answered when the time is right. There’s no need to stress and be disappointed. It only wastes energy and shortens my healthy life span!

The second day, I got my much anticipated haircut by Cecilia, the best hairdresser in the world! She recognised me and asked where I had been. In fact, the marina staff gave me a warm smiling welcome which shocked me since they never even did that once in the year I lived here! I guess CC wasn’t the only person to realise what he had until it was gone…

I was quickly approached to do some work with another charter company. I went without asking the pay first as I didn’t think they could possibly pay as low as they did. I did two overnight charters with them and refused their next offer of a three night charter. I found the pay insulting for what they asked me to do (deckhand, chef and translator). I believe I should respect myself enough to be valued for my work. Well, of course, what do I know? Water coming up from the bottom of the floor while we’re sailing, surely couldn’t signify that something was wrong. Being shouted at like I was some stupid idiot when I reported this really wasn’t worth the $2 I made that hour. I only gloated on the inside when we got to the anchorage and he discovered there was a leak in the fresh water system. A shame he didn’t listen to me when I first reported the leak. We would still have had water for our guests who paid a fortune to take the charter! 

I said hello to all my friends that were in port and reported a short summary of my sailing adventures. It felt good to see familiar faces and converse in Spanish again. They were surprised my Spanish was still so good after living with English speakers for so long!

I could go on and on, but really the whole point of this entry is how wonderfully things can change and stay the same at the same time. You know which change made the most impact? Me and my attitude. I made myself a promise that wherever I chose to go, I go to settle. I go to enjoy the moment and take in the opportunities that are around me. Those opportunities may take me away again, but I no longer live as though there is something better out there I desperately need to find. I know there is, it will come when I’m ready and not when I’m stressing out about finding it. 

I came with a warm relaxed open heart and CC received me with the same. We have both done some deep soul searching and made meaningful life changes. Some people may argue this can’t happen in three months, that’s fine. I’ve spent nearly my whole life soul searching and am well practiced. Maybe things will change again, that’s great. A static life is a forced life because in my opinion, it was never meant to be lived that way. The ebb and flow of nature demonstrates this daily. 

As so many spiritual figures say, yesterday and tomorrow don’t exist. The only thing that exists is this moment. That’s exactly what I’m doing this time around. I am enjoying the new relationship CC and I have. I am enjoying the community of Cartagena that I have chosen to make my new home for as long as it lasts. I am grateful I don’t have a big ego to make me too proud to give it another chance. I am open and excited to see what beautiful challenges and opportunities the universe is going to show me. After all, it directed me back here again. 

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