Cuba part 3: Too much rum = tears

“Dude, what the hell happened last night? Seriously it’s like I’m famous or something. Everyone is talking to me. I need a recap,” the kid says as he walks into the salon. I laugh and sum up the events admitting I don’t remember what the group of people we were talking to looked like either. 

Let me rewind a bit. I was sitting on the side of the boat with my feet against the lifelines as we were sailing along the deserted coast on our way to Cayo Largo. I was loving life, losing myself in my own world and my mind went to Captain Cool. I told myself whatever answer he gave me, I would have to be ok with. He may not say he wants me back. I knew I wouldn’t like that answer and said I could be upset, but needed to keep going forward like always.

We get to Cayo Largo, I go on the Internet and a long message from CC pops up. Of course I can come, but he loves his solitude and therefore our time together must be sporadic. My heart sank, I tried to act cool as captain America and the kid were sat across from me. I longed to be alone so I could fall to pieces. I’m grateful he was honest and I have no hard feelings, I’m just disappointed we don’t want the same things. 

We had a few drinks, captain America left and the kid and I enjoyed our third night alone together. Well, out. We quite often stay up late talking when the captain goes to bed. I love having a friend. It feels so good. He’s told me a lot about his life and he reminds me a lot of me at his age.

I said to the kid, “can I please just dump on you for 5 minutes?” He said, “yeah, I know what this is about, what’s his name again?” I proceeded to tell him about the messages, he already knew a bit about the situation. He asked me questions and said if I want to hear it, he would like to give me a guy’s perspective. Of course I wanted to hear it. Someone to talk to face to face about my problems, it hasn’t happened in so long!!!

He proceeded to tell me that I am a catch. He said I am beautiful, look much younger than I am and can have any guy from the age of 25 or even younger, to 53. He said if he was older and had his shit together, he would grab me in a second. He somehow got statistics about 37,000 single sailor men my age or younger, all who would want me because I can sail and I am fun and enjoyable to be around. He finished a much needed reminder of who I am by saying, “Look, it’s like the Olympics. Everyone wants the gold. You’re the gold medal in the olympics. Don’t sell yourself short. I know you’re not searching for love, but be open for that person who will give you all of their love because that’s what you deserve.” I had tears in my eyes and gave him a great big hug thanking him for the most beautiful words anyone has ever told me. 

I realised he was right. Maybe I’m not the gold, but I certainly deserve more than what CC has offered me because it’s not what I desire. So, I went back to my old ways of dealing with a broken heart by proceeding to drink unlimited quantities of mojitos while an eventful night was just getting started…

We chatted to the Cubans who work at the resorts around here. There was another female sailor who joined us and a bottle of wine was ordered. That pushed me over the limit, so I stumbled back to the boat with the female sailor who was in the boat next to us. She said she wanted to talk to my captain, I said it was a bad idea at 2 or 3 in the morning, she climbed in anyway. He got mad at her, then at me. Then she pissed near the hatch of where we walk in. The kid tried to sort the situation out with the captain while I talked to the security guards and hid on another dock. Yes, I’m a coward!

The kid comes to me and said Captain America says I’m lying and I invited her on. The kid has my back and says he will do whatever it takes to make sure I’m not thrown off. That makes me cry again. A drink induced cry is never good…. After sobbing uncontrollably for I don’t know how long, he says something to make me laugh, we make out for a while and then quietly go back to the boat. 

Ahhh…yes, I can’t always handle my problems with strength and courage! To be honest, it felt so good to be held when I sobbed. I feel bad for dumping on the kid, but that’s what friends are for. I needed that unconditional hug and permission to let go. Not a lot of guys can do that because tears are scary or something. It’s just how I release my emotions and all I need is a hug. That’s all he did, he said nothing. He simply held me tight. I’d been holding it in for a while. I hope it gives me the strength to deal with this heart break a little more sober. Otherwise maybe I will follow my friend’s advice and write a book on 101 ways not to sail…

The next day, I said my goodbye to CC. Yes I’ve done it 100 times (OK 3) and maybe I’ll say it again, but I hope not. The kid is right, I want someone to love me unconditionally so I’m going to give myself the chance to let it come my way. Until that happens, I’m going to kick my legs like a duck under water and remain calm on the surface as I wait for my next adventure. Which at this rate, may be sooner than I want…

I am grateful for the kid. Not only is he gorgeous to look at, but we have developed a beautiful friendship over the last nine days. He reminds me of how far I have come and how much further I can go. He’s given me many great gifts in our short time together and I’m really sad he’s about to leave. Luckily his kindness, warmth, strength and caring words will stick with me forever. 

This is what life is about. Finding beautiful people to light the path. I am so happy mine has so many bright lights to turn to when the path ahead looks a little dark and scary. This is why I gave up all of my material possessions. I didn’t need it and I don’t miss it. Now I have more time and energy to find the lights I need and to light other people’s paths. Thank you life! 

Now, where is that mojito…


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