My body is rolling with the Caribbean Sea (which explains why I have the best abs I’ve ever had in my life!!) and my soul and heart are open. The sun just set to the port of the stern and the almost full moon is lighting our path over the bow on starboard side. I’m sitting across from the most gorgeous man I have ever seen in my life. I couldn’t have designed one so perfect if I tried. I have tears welling up in me and I’m looking forward to the night shift so I can release them and have a cleanse.
Why the tears? Well, this has been an interesting journey, that I almost was thrown off of. Luckily the new young crew saved that from happening. You see, Captain America doesn’t like that my eyes light up when I see “the kid” as he’s referred to. He doesn’t like that we spend a lot of time together and I giggle a lot. Before the kid turned up, I told him I was a puma and my preferred age group is under 27. Why is he surprised?!?!? He let us out alone last night and neither of us could believe it. We talked the night away with lots of Cuban rum mojitos. We could just relax and not worry that “he” was coming to sulk when he saw us talking. In fact, the kid is afraid to talk to me when captain America is around. It’s a shame, because we have a lot more in common then I do with captain America.
We went snorkelling together today too. Of course he kept his distance which is a shame because I like snorkelling with someone and enjoying the beauty together. Anyway, I had taken a big deep breath and free dove about 5 meters down to get a better look at the undersea world which is sometimes my only comfort. Before I came back up, I did a slow circle and saw literally thousands of fish all around me. All different colours, shapes and sizes going off in their own direction. The beauty was incredibly overwhelming. I felt so lucky to be alive and grateful to be in that moment. I was completely engulfed with the magically calming powers of the fish.
Sadly, I’m not a real mermaid so I slowly came back up to a different level of beauty on the surface. I started to become frustrated because I have been living in the future, but there is so much beauty around me. The southwest coast of Cuba is untouched. It holds a magical beauty with more shades of blue and turquoise than I ever knew existed. The water is so clear, I can see 10 or more meters down. Those barracuda still look menacing from the surface!
Then all the sudden I realised something. I’m not enjoying the present. That’s why I’m thinking about the future. Of course I love the sailing and the snorkelling, but I’m not doing it with my kind of people. Captain America sees an untouched coast and talks about how many resorts could make money. I look at it and say, wow, I’m so happy places like this still exist and I get to see it. We’ve hardly seen any sail boats, not as many as I’m used to seeing in other places. Why would I think about money??? I’m just grateful to be me!!
The future I’ve been thinking about is going back to captain cool. My heart hurts without him and my soul doesn’t dance as enthusiastically. I have been surrounded by sailors who are more concerned about happy hour than the beautiful show Mother Nature gives us every night. I long ago gave up my party ways and I find it boring to go there every night. I miss having water, tea, a lemonade or a glass of wine in the cockpit. I miss spending hours staring at the sky and talking about life. Those are my kind of people. I know captain cool is out there and it appears there is another one in Washington State, but I’m with neither. There must be more, where are they hiding?!?
I’m doing an Internet detox, with the exception of a message to CC to see if I should find my way back to him. It feels good to detox, but maybe this heavy heart is a result of not connecting with those I love the most. Call me crazy, but sometimes I like this kind of detox. It’s easy to be influenced by others. I have the most wonderful, loving and caring support system. Only a couple are free spirits like me so sometimes the kind hearted advice I receive takes me away from following my heart and dreams and I get a bit confused. As my 11 year old niece said, “you’re doing your favourite thing in the whole wide world and going to a place where you can’t talk to anybody.” I know she was a little bit mad, but I guess she understands me!
As a free spirit, it appears as though I make random decisions or change my mind a lot. Nope, that’s not how it is. I believe in doing whatever feels right for me at the time. I know full well one day it will most likely change and will stop being the right thing. Sometimes I even go back which makes my loved ones roll their eyes and think I’m crazy. If finding what makes me most at peace and living for what’s right for me at that moment makes me crazy, I guess I am. I think being stuck in an unhappy situation and being stressed all the time is kinda crazy, but we all have our own definition.
Now that I figured out the problem, I can live a little more in the present. For now I’ve told the fish what my problem is and they’re part of the universe who has always sent me what I needed. Now I am wise enough to look out for it and grasp it instead of running around finding more ways to be stressed and unhappy.
If CC doesn’t want me back, that’s ok, something else good will come along. I’m not worried. I’m just going to literally and metaphorically sit on a boat and ride the waves as they come. My core is strong now so I can handle any kind of sea!