First of all, I was very touched by all the messages of support I received after writing my last blog.Thank you.
Sometimes I wonder if I should write blogs like that, but why not? Life isn’t always fun and exciting so I’m going to make my blogs realistically balanced!!
Things are improving, yet still up and down. I tell you, having female companions really makes a difference. Well, supportive ones anyway. Luckily there are some great women on the dock that will be here for a while. It’s been nice to chat about girlie things, I didn’t realise how much I missed it.
Captain America has accepted he probably won’t ‘get lucky’ with me, although I think he’s starting to resent his expenses agreement. He has the power to change it if he wants. I think he likes having a ‘beautiful deck ornament’ as I’ve been referred to various times by various captains. So for now I have a home.
He went to Florida (by plane) for a couple weeks which made my heart sink. He was anxious for me to come here soon so we could do day sails. I’ve been here 9 days, we’ve done one… Supposedly we go to Cuba a couple days after he gets back. However, he is bringing lots of parts back and if you own a boat, you understand how installing these often doesn’t go to plan.
I’ve had some opportunities come my way and be disappointed it didn’t work out. Then I started thinking harder, calling for support during my yoga practices, talking to everyone I see and researching sea life on the Internet. I have lots of time to worry about my finances and get stressed about what I should do now. I got a one off cleaning job on a boat, not that it needed it. He’s a lone sailor, feels bad for me and likes my company so he comes up with excuses for me to work on his boat.
I was sat on the boat annoyed, hot, impatient and bored. Luckily I quickly caught myself, because I don’t know about you, but life is way too short to be bored. I remember the rat race and how there wasn’t enough time to do everything I wanted. Here I have ample time to study Spanish, read novels in Spanish, novels in English, plan yoga classes, write, study yoga and Thai massage in more depth and come up with a plan on how I can get what I really want in life. I have holes in my clothes I need to sew, a boat which always needs some kind of cleaning and many people in this community to chat to. There is no time for boredom.
Ok sure, I came here to sail and we haven’t much, but I don’t own the boat so I can’t change it. I can only control what I can. I firmly believe the universe puts me where I’m supposed to be and I only need to be open to the messages. If I focus on being bored and angry that I’m not doing what I think I should, I’m going to miss the opportunities around me. I don’t really want to do that. The world has given me beautiful lessons so far.
I’m seeing this as a lesson to build up patience. Maybe I needed some time to chill out. Charters take a lot of energy and I was tired. I have had a lot of changes in the last year and although they have been great and exciting, it’s change. I don’t have or want a boyfriend here to think about, it’s just time for me.
During my yoga practices this week, I re-grounded, was extra patient with myself and reminded myself of the true me. My yoga practices are really powerful and draw the things I want out of life to me.
I have my moments like all human beings do. However I’m coming back up. As the saying goes, “you have to hit rock bottom before you come back up.” It was no rock bottom, but I clearly needed to feel lost, alone and desperate before my fighting instinct kicked in. Life is up and down, I don’t expect, nor want, life to be easy and happy all the time. I would never appreciate the beauty if things were always bright and breezy. I am embracing this challenge and trying the best I can to ride this wave.
I met a Mexican woman the other night who asked about my life. When I told her what I hope for the future, she looked at me with such sincerity and said, “I just know you’ll get it one day. You seem like a person who is so kind and driven and you will get it. I don’t hope it works for you, I know it will.” I smiled and thanked her, glad that her and others like her who have said exactly the same thing, know what I already know. That’s why I always love waking up in the morning no matter what’s happening around me. I found faith and with that, I know it will always be ok.