I can’t lie. I completely gloated when I had achieved my challenge of packing everything I owned into two large backpacks. CC didn’t think it was possible, but I am an expert! We got to the airport and they weighed just shy of 41 kilos together. I am proud to say it’s a weight I can carry. What does all of this mean? I am free and I am independent.
Most of what I own is books. That’s what weighs me down, but reading is important to me and my yoga scriptures are sometimes the only support I have, so I won’t abandon them. What means the most to me in life is not anything I can pack into a bag.
I used to own a two bedroom flat filled with stuff I had bought. Clothes I gave away which still had the price tag on, expensive furniture that was very worn due to my need to move frequently. As much as I love moving, when I had all this stuff, it took ages. This time it took me two hours and that’s because I stopped to help with things on the boat.
It’s incredibly liberating. Not just because it’s little weight to move when I want to change location, but because I have little possessions. I have no material memories that keep me in the past on a daily basis. I am free to live in the moment and to create a new life, a new future in hours. That is pure freedom.
I grew up in a society where material possessions were abundant and symbolised status. Luckily my parents were smart with their money and refused to buy me designer jeans just because I was the only person in my class who didn’t have any. I was angry then, but I think it planted a seed about what was really important in life.
This recent move was the scariest. I have no idea who I will be sailing with or even what Jamaica is like. I had no time to research, I just felt it was right.
People say I’m brave and strong for my decisions in life because they are often against the norm. I receive messages from friends and acquaintances saying I inspire them and they admire me. I am flattered, but I don’t think I am that special. For on my path, there are many people who share my beliefs and live as I do. I hope our way of life helps people find their peace.
I am not always so brave. Three days before I left, I had a sobbing “what the hell am I doing?!?” session. I was scared out of my mind. When I’ve moved before, I at least knew someone. I hadn’t heard from the new captain since he left Italy and I was becoming paranoid I would be all alone in Jamaica. I started creating all these horrible scenarios about what would happen.
CC held me and told me I was the kind of person who deserved and manifested good things, none of these stories would come true. I thanked him and said the rational part of me knows this, I was just all of the sudden overcome with the fear of the complete unknown I was about to walk into. An unknown I know so well because I have done it various times in various ways. Through tears I said I was going to cry for 10 more minutes and then enjoy my last days in paradise. And so I did.
When you place fear aside and live in the moment, the most incredible things occur. In that sense I am brave because I have never let fear stop me from following a dream. I have let it stop me enjoying my last moments before the change occurred and I am pleased that this time I didn’t.
I write this as I am on the plane to Jamaica where the new boat and captain are waiting. I am relieved that the captain made an effort to call me to say he was coming to the airport and am filled with joy that CC and I enjoyed many special and happy moments before I start this new and completely unknown chapter in my life.
To say I’m not incredibly scared would be a lie. Luckily I have a past filled with decisions like this that have given me a life better than I ever could have dreamed of. The butterflies of excitement and adventure are eating away at the monsters of fear. I am free to fall feet first with a heart full of hope and a smile as big as the ocean I am about to cross.
I may have my material life in two bags, but the people and experiences that have touched my heart and made my life so incredible would fill up half the universe. I am so grateful I have the freedom to spend the rest of my life filling up the other half of the universe with new experiences.