I sat on the beach yesterday talking to my future self. It was a beautiful calm sunny morning, so I was determined to overcome this cold water and get back to my mermaid roots. I wrestled into my wetsuit and got an extra spring in my step when I saw how calm and beautiful the water was.
I swam far out from the beach and did as many laps as I could before I stopped feeling my hands. I shivered my way over the rocky sand toward my spot on the beach. I noticed a woman I regulary see on the beach lying out towels near my lonely bag. She was one of those daily non-wearing wetsuit warriors who swim every day of the year. I smiled at her and she commented about how beautiful the weather was. Her sun kissed group were just arriving for their daily meet up and a very smiley and happy woman came up to her. She looked over and greeted me too. “What a gorgeous day!”
This woman sat closest to me (within social distancing measures I assure you!) and she asked me how my dip was. I said it was still cold and I was just warming up. She mentioned that she swims every day without a wetsuit. To be quite frank, I was honoured that she was speaking to a meagre wet suit wearer such as myself! I watched her expertly unpack her bag and set up her base. “It’s kind of like I’m setting up camp, isn’t it? While you’re all zen over there!” she laughed. “Yes, it is. I’m a bit envious as my plan was to swim and go home, but it’s so lovely here I don’t want to and now I’m unprepared!” I replied.
We started off with general chit chat and then offered more about each other as we realised that we had a lot in common. Within minutes, I realised that she is the future me. I estimate she’s about 10 years older than me, although I’m unsure because she has great skin and less wrinkles than me! She too has been a wanderer (still is), she too is interested in the healing world, she too is looking to publish a book – except hers was written years ago and she hasn’t yet sought to get it published. She too is struggling to let go of a man.
There were moments of silence when we were looking at the sea, or she had a chat with her other non-wetsuit wearing friends. I sat looking off into the sea and thought, “Yep, I could totally be her in 10 years. Pining over a man I know isn’t right for me, yet can’t let go of and ready to publish my book. Still not having a career, living frugally and having the constant worry of how to make ends meet.” It gave me hope. I loved her energy, I loved that I found a mentor if you like, proof that people can be happy in their 40’s and 50’s single and without a career, their own house or stability.
I shared that I too was having a hard time letting go of someone and could go a week without speaking to him, but would then find some excuse to call him because after all, I still care deeply for him. Let’s face it, this is the weirdest time in any of our lives. I can’t do the things I would normally do after a break up. Some of that is good, but it’s just incredibly challenging not getting hugs from friends and immersing myself in social events. “I always have a hard time letting go of partners,” I shared. “Maybe I should just embrace that fact instead of fighting it and beating myself up about it. When we start to embrace things, generally we are able to let them go.” Her gaze wandered off to the sea and she shook her head, “Yeah, I like that. I should embrace it as well. Things do come easier when we stop fighting.” The reality is that I’ve been blessed with many partners coming into my life who I’ve wanted to hold on to. I should be grateful for that instead of focusing on how weak or lovesick or whatever judgmental term myself or others want to place on it.
I hope I’m like her in 10 years because she had some fascinating stories to tell and we were only chatting for just over an hour. She has a beautiful spirit and has clearly made a lot of people in the world so happy. It doesn’t matter what she has or where she’s going, I don’t think she knows and I certainly don’t know where I’m going. All that matters is that she seemed relatively happy and touched many people’s lives in the process. That’s how I want to be in 10 years.
It was wonderful to get a glimpse of my future self. The day before I had a bit of a self-worth crisis and wasn’t feeling too confident. I guess the universe knew that I needed to meet her today to keep my head up. I like my future self, a lot. And if my future self isn’t like her, well that’s ok too. I’m sure she’ll still be ok… and not ok 😉